The Conversation

I should have known.

You didn’t know?

No. Of course I didn’t.

What do you remember?

I remember the closet.

What about the closet?

You know.

Yes, I know.

How did you feel?

Betrayed.

What did you think?

Monster.

Did you say anything?

Yes. You know I did.

What was the answer?

It’s nothing.

How did you feel?

Relieved.

You didn’t know?

No. That wasn’t it.

Do you remember the appointment?

Yeah. I remember.

What happened?

Right before. I found out.

What happened?

A fight.

And?

We couldn’t miss the appointment.

And?

An ultimatum. A response.

And?

I stuffed it in a box.

How did you feel?

Ashamed.

Do you remember Lubbock?

Yeah.

What happened?

You know.

Where were you?

There. You know that.

No. I mean where were you?

Lost.

What were you doing?

Deciding.

How did you feel?

Trapped.

Where was your voice?

There.

But?

Force-less.

Do you remember Seattle?

Yes. You were there. You know.

What happened?

You know. All of it.

Do you remember the day?

There were hundreds of days.

That day?

Yes.

Where were you?

There. Stop asking the fucking question.

Why don’t you answer the question?

I spent the weekend in my office at work.

What were you doing?

Raging. Surrendering.

How did you feel?

Without.

And?

I chose.

And?

I lost.

And?

I bargained.

Where were you?

Buried. Dead.

Do remember Christmas?

Yeah. Motherfucker.

Where was your voice then?

Protecting.

Why?

Duty. Shame. Fear.

Do you remember Arlington?

Yes.

What were you doing?

Grieving MeMa.

What else?

Waking up.

What happened?

I saw. All of it. All of them.

How did you feel?

Angry.

How did you feel?

Violent.

How did you feel?

Relieved.

So, you should have known?

Yes. No.

What?

I did know. I knew.

How much?

Enough.

And?

I knew. And I chose.

Why?

Remaining with the known was more tolerable than being alone.

Ah.

(Silence.)

And then what happened?

I shattered the glass.

And?

I opened the door.

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